Current

Today I'm depressed. I'm dressed for work an hour early, I'm awake and I feel like shit.
This battle is too heavy.

Crying on the Inside

I'm hurting so bad. Two days ago I bounced a check by mistake, and it was one written for an application fee for Hallmark. I was manic until I got the news, then thinking about all the times I’ve screwed up with money set me into a depression I haven't been able to shake since. Today I spoke with one of the FA officers about budget planning for the year to come. Dad wont co-sign a loan for me and i understand that, but since my credit score is something like 499, I'm screwed if i want to get a loan of my own.

Trying to talk to people has become exasperating because I don’t know who to trust anymore.

all i really want

It’s a bad day again, it didn't start out that way but in the last two hours I've been really depressed and tired. All I can think about is having what I need when I need it, and not worrying about my "illness." I had a dream that I woke up from my nap on the couch to this wonderful man kissing me. He asked me what he could do for me. I told him what I wanted was to sleep there while he went to rent a room at a nice hotel, and went shopping for all my favorite snack foods, bought me my favorite shampoo and body wash and lotion, and razors, and toothpaste, and a new head for my battery operated toothbrush. He got big comfy pillows and sateen sheets in green. He left me to go out and get all that, then came back and woke me up with another kiss, picked me up and carried me to the car and drove to the hotel and then he carried me to the room. What happened after that ... nothing I desire to mention - but its fun to think about. :)