Should I be disappointed?
Everything in me is screaming and shouting and yet still silent and calm. I've been here before, been hurt this deep, and been disappointed this horribly. You shouted that you wanted to live reckless, that you loved Him with everything you had! You shouted in the streets, in front of strangers! You embarrassed me! My face turned red looking at a brick wall to imagine I wasn't standing in front of you. I tried my best to block your words, but there was no hope for me with you, to not hear, to not see...you were inclined to force your love on me regardless of my desire for it. How could you! You, who held yourself to the highest standard of the truth, you who found my weakness of trying to hard, wanting to be too perfect...you found me wrong, and to my face! I can give you credit for that, but not much else. You suck! You claim the truth and live a lie, and expect me to feel pity for your behavior, and all I want to do is purge your gross pathetic waist.
Yes he says be gracious, and He said to show you mercy, and that I will do till I bleed to death. I will continue to love you; I will throw myself away so your honor will stay intact. I will let myself go in order for you to thrive. But I need you to know that I desire to hate you somewhere deep. I can feel it creeping at all hours of the night, in all seasons of the sun. Your words are a sinking feeling in my gut, a loss of apatite, a whole that none can fill - I won't let them right now I want to ache for just a while. Let this all soak in deeper then before so I won't make the same mistake again...so I won't let myself be completely vulnerable again...so you won't bust me up.
Something in me says I should remember - and I do, the times I've let all others down, the times I've failed and failed again. I scream for you to show your real colors, and you do but deny it and its pissing me off! You were so beautiful, and still are, and HOW COULD YOU!
Knowing your weakness, knowing the warning and having the support and still choosing your own way because you wanted to feel turned on! What?! Can I say it again...should I dare, would you listen or feed me pointless rhetoric in your attempts to prove yourself again to me?
You wanted to speak to me about your truth, you want someone who will stand by you and tell you things you want to hear. You want what you want, and nothing has ever changed that. Not even me! I have nothing to do with your hell; I have nothing to do with your choice. I gave you the word, I explained as best I could for being so early. Still you wanted him; you chose his lips over God's! You stole yourself away; no one else kidnapped you from the hand of Jesus. You did it yourself, and you want me to have pity! Then you blame me for your mistake as though I were there forcing your hand! How could you!
Why would you waist your breath trying to rationalize your actions to me, why would you continue to fight the truth of your misery? Why would you try to cover up what you already know, having believed the lie that you are ignorant of the motivation? Why stand back and hear me, only to come forward with excuses to mock the regret I voiced for you? Do not believe I am coming to you unjustly, for I hold myself to a higher standard that even this. My very life should be taken from me if I chose such a thing now. You make me vomit. How could you!
Yes he says be gracious, and He said to show you mercy, and that I will do till I bleed to death. I will continue to love you; I will throw myself away so your honor will stay intact. I will let myself go in order for you to thrive. But I need you to know that I desire to hate you somewhere deep. I can feel it creeping at all hours of the night, in all seasons of the sun. Your words are a sinking feeling in my gut, a loss of apatite, a whole that none can fill - I won't let them right now I want to ache for just a while. Let this all soak in deeper then before so I won't make the same mistake again...so I won't let myself be completely vulnerable again...so you won't bust me up.
Something in me says I should remember - and I do, the times I've let all others down, the times I've failed and failed again. I scream for you to show your real colors, and you do but deny it and its pissing me off! You were so beautiful, and still are, and HOW COULD YOU!
Knowing your weakness, knowing the warning and having the support and still choosing your own way because you wanted to feel turned on! What?! Can I say it again...should I dare, would you listen or feed me pointless rhetoric in your attempts to prove yourself again to me?
You wanted to speak to me about your truth, you want someone who will stand by you and tell you things you want to hear. You want what you want, and nothing has ever changed that. Not even me! I have nothing to do with your hell; I have nothing to do with your choice. I gave you the word, I explained as best I could for being so early. Still you wanted him; you chose his lips over God's! You stole yourself away; no one else kidnapped you from the hand of Jesus. You did it yourself, and you want me to have pity! Then you blame me for your mistake as though I were there forcing your hand! How could you!
Why would you waist your breath trying to rationalize your actions to me, why would you continue to fight the truth of your misery? Why would you try to cover up what you already know, having believed the lie that you are ignorant of the motivation? Why stand back and hear me, only to come forward with excuses to mock the regret I voiced for you? Do not believe I am coming to you unjustly, for I hold myself to a higher standard that even this. My very life should be taken from me if I chose such a thing now. You make me vomit. How could you!
posted by Spoken For at 9:16 AM
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